MAY 1999

IT

By Rachel Tandy, edited by Alan Mitchell

A well expressed opinion is more easily accepted than a poorly expressed fact. By the time I was a teenager the only facts I knew about sex education was this two letter work IT. A girl in my class did IT, got pregnant, and had to leave town. Nice girls didn't date certain boys because she'd have to do IT or walk home. My best friend and I weren't allowed to accept dates for a drive-in movie, picnic, tennis, swimming, or automobile rides. This protected us from having to do IT. If we were late getting home, we faced the inevitable interrogation "DID YOU DO IT?"

We'd already learned not to ask how we were supposed to know if we were doing IT and if we were how did we stop. This would only get us the standard forty verbal lashes for having lewd, lascivious, minds. It seemed our only hope for survival was to find out how this dammed two letter noun could either cause us to get pregnant, go blind, have our hair fall out or all three.

Webster's definition only left us more confused. Feeling sure the answer to this conundrum was by expanding our vocabulary, we decided to increase our word power by copying graffiti off walls of public restrooms. __hopeful that these strange verbs, nouns adjectives, etc which seemed more synonymous with medieval torture than sex would enlighten us about everything.

This probably would've worked if our parents hadn't caught us, burned the list, forbade the use of public restrooms and grounded us. The last one wasn't so bad. Prior to this special quest, we had nearly worn out a window sill going in and out of the house.

THEY BURN LIST, BUT BAN DICTIONARIES??

After administering an extra hundred verbal lashes, our parents tried to explain how the dictionary should be used the way one used the Bible.__for gaining enlightenment through wisdom and knowledge. We then made a big mistake and really got whacked when we tried to explain that these were the very same things we were seeking. Then, insult was added to injury. We were forbidden to use the dictionary. If we needed to look up a word, we had to ask our smart-alec older sisters to do it for us.

We were so embarrassed about our ignorance that we pretended to have an opinion anyway. We laughed when everyone else laughed and feigned disgust after a dirty joke the way everyone else did. We had no idea what any of it meant but we weren't about to risk getting whacked for talking filthy again by asking our parents. Nor, would we risk the chiding disparagement of our smart-alec older sisters playing Vestal Virgins with the dictionary. Being redoubtable brats, with more guts than brains, we came up with a better solution. We pooled our money and bought a dirty novel. Which, for something we didn't understand a word of, seemed very exciting.

BLOSSOMS IN THE SPRING

These vicarious sex manuals are all alike. There is a beautiful lady and a macho man rampant with lust. He always rips off her clothes and her breasts spring free. Imagine our disappointment after spending hours in front of a mirror, gasping from a binding cup towel pinned around us, only to yank it off and see the reflection of two fried eggs doing nothing and going nowhere.

We were just too unenlightened at this time to know that breast don't spring forth like guided missiles. They are either firm enough to remain in place or, they fall to the waist. It would be interesting to find out if the women the boiler plate writers described had some special bullet implant, along the lines of those gag cans of peanut brittle which when opened, springy snake like things jump out. Feeling sure that in time this very thing would happen for us, we put our skimpy bust lines on the back burner. Once again we had formed a firm opinion regarding something we still knew absolutely nothing about.

OH, THE ESSENCE OF BULGING MANHOOD

We went back to kissing part in our instruction manual. According to our book, kissing was what produced the guy's bulging manhood. This was another confusing issue. We figured it out by looking at many pictures of weight lifters and football players. It must be their biceps. After all, this was the only thing that bulged. We knew we were right.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Keeping our now tattered and falling apart manual handy, we decided to practice so if we ever did kiss a boy and do it, he wouldn't know what inexperienced dummies we were. This rehearsal had to be with someone who could keep his moth shut.

We bribed the boy next door with a stack of comic books and a gallon of ice cream. This depleted our pooled finances but certainly not our spirit. We planned it so that one of us could practice while the other read the manual. I went first trying to remember all the chronological moves except for the breasts springing free.

While he's eating ice cream and reading our comics, I went through the step by step motions of putting both arms around his neck. I expected to float away in a cloud of ecstasy as my hands slid down to caress his upper arms and my eager lips met his sticky mouth. Nothing happened. My friend and I traded places several times trying to make his manhood bulge, waiting for that cloud of ecstasy, until the ice cream ran out. The Little boy got sick and ratted on us about the kissing and making his arms sore. The dammed snitch kept our comic books and never said a word about eating all of that ice cream.

A few days later Eve's allegorical monthly curse had my friend and me in bed with cramps and nausea. This time our parents were convinced we had done it. Knowing none of the facts, they had listened to a well expressed opinion from an allegedly abused little boy who was suffering from a secret ice cream hangover. We tried to explain that any misconduct was impossible because even though we spent hours trying to feel of his bulging manhood, it just wasn't there. Talk about getting the hell beaten out of you for being ignorant enough to feel around in the wrong place. It was years before we understood the walloping we received for saying this.

At this point we knew no one was going to tell us about IT and, we weren't about to waste any more money trying to find out. It was time to stop fooling around in the wrong place and go straight to the source. We drew straws to decide which of us would have a date with a do or walk home kind of guy. I won and promised to give a detailed report.

So, this fella and I are parked at the local cemetery where everyone went to do it. He looked at this goody, goody preacher's kid and asked "Are you sure you really want to do it?" I replied "Oh yes, except before we really get started would you tell me a little more about it?" He sarcastically retorted "I suppose you might like to look at it first!"

PEAK TO PEEK--Robert Schuller

The thought of him rolling up his long shirt sleeves and allowing me to watch his manhood grow even larger filled me with the enthusiasm of an anthropologist about to take first peek at the Holy Grail. Yet, I wanted to be polite. I told him this would be absolutely facilitating but unless he really wanted to show me he didn't have to. After all, I'd been massaging his manhood for at least thirty minutes. I didn't understand why his eyes looked a little misty as he promptly started the car and took me home. I was just too young to understand that integrity is a rare commodity. This fella with the so called reputation became my guardian protector. After this, my dates had this young man and my father to worry about. Looking back I can see what a wonderful friend he truly was. The sad part is we just don't realize these qualities until years later.

We can all remember almost identical situations from our traumatic teens. The lesson from this one is if we want something, we'd bloody well better learn to feel around in the right place. We catch ourselves feeling around in the wrong one not only leaves us feeling desolate and isolated; but also emotionally, spiritually, and financially bankrupt.

Our personal success enhancement program for May deals with recognizing and breaking this pattern. We're going to learn how, what, and where to touch for bringing about the things we want.

Before we begin let's all settle back and open the portal for our F.C.B. This is our acronym for Faith, Confidence, and Belief. We invite you to download this and use it as your point of contact for reinforcing our inherent confidence and belief that everything we need and want is contained within the universe. That we only need to reach out and touch it in the right way to have these personal dreams materialize. To open our portal we take seven deep breaths, hold it for the count of seven, release seven short breaths. Do this a few time before reading, after which settle back and bask in universal serenity.

TO WONDER AT NOTHING WHEN IT HAPPENS;
TO CONSIDER NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE BEFORE IT HAS COME TO PASS.

Cicero

PERSONAL SUCCESS ENHANCEMENT PROGRAM FOR MAY

Our success enhancement program this month deals exclusively with the discipline of self love and self worth. Without this discipline we feel around in the wrong place by basing all faith, confidence, and hope on the wrong premise. If we aren't careful our lives can become a manual for disappointments and failures. We've all gone through that "dark night of the soul" feeling as if we have no faith or hope in anything.

It's as impossible to live without faith and hope as it would be to live without oxygen. These emotions are always with us. Yet, they have no will of their own. Our faith and hope can be our sustaining ally, or our most destructive enemy. Whichever is entirely dependent on our perspective of self love and self worth.

While doing psychic consultations, I often encounter this destructive side of faith and hope. Each and every time the subject responds to an upcoming positive situation with "I hope so", I know that person has no self love, no self esteem, and has established a self destructive pattern of feeling around in the wrong place. When an established thought form tells us things are a certain way because they've been that same certain way for a very long time, we find it hard to alter our feelings. And, these feelings cloud our intellect. Without ever realizing it, we've used our faith and hope to create negative situations.

One example was an intelligent and extremely well qualified lady who simply couldn't earn enough money to support herself. Taking a close look at her early, formative years, she remembered going to sleep every night with the detailed thought form of marrying someone who would always protect and provide for her. This old thought form was automatically creating a negative offset in all of her professional efforts. Once it was obviated, she began to climb the corporate ladder two rungs at a time. It's important to take a close look at our old thought forms which we no longer need nor want. Believe it or not, unless they're canceled, they're still active. These old thought forms also have no choice but to create conflicting energies causing havoc in our present life.

We begin our new pattern by accepting the basic rule that we can't learn something we think we already know. Then, we need to take a look at any old, contradictory, thought forms which might still be active within our unconscious minds. We don't worry about the pain of reliving what we remember. Reliving these events for a few minutes can be a very helpful guide towards finding the old energies we want to get rid of. We simply accept that they're leaving our being. Once gone, we shall always be able to remember without reliving on either the conscious or unconscious level

After we've taken a look at what we no longer want to keep, we visualize a sparkling blue light between our hands. This electric blue light has no choice but to incinerate negativity. As in our previous lessons, we form it into a ball. Once we feel our B.O.P. or ball of power is ready, we program it to burn away these old thought forms and then send it into our throat chakra. The old opposing thought forms are now being burned away. We now replace them with self love, self esteem, positive faith and hope.

This is easily done by repeating the ball of power process only this time we use the green light, program it with our individual needs, and hold it over the heart chakra allowing it to enter. We practice these exercises every day this month and WALLA! We're feeling around in the right place and, enjoying more positive self esteem and prosperity than we ever dreamed could be possible. IT just couldn't happen to nicer people.

In the light of a thousand suns,
Rachel