C.O.W.S

BE NOT LIKE DUMB DRIVEN CATTLE!
BE A HERO IN THE STRIFE!--Longfellow

It's difficult to understand why an all knowing God with such infinite wisdom only favored and blessed a few women to grow up and become a C.O.W. --our acronym for Chosen, Oligarchical Women. While the acronym implies contradiction, it somehow ameliorates the untamed jealously and frustration a T.U. M, (The Un-chosen Majority) is likely to feel when we see or even think about a C.O.W.

A C.O.W. is easily recognized by her luxurious fur coat covering lovely bones and perfectly distributed body weight. Her lean front quarter sprouts a well defined chest. Her hind quarter has firm, well rounded buttocks perfectly aligned with slender, shapely legs. She has large well spaced, empathic eyes emoting wisdom, talent, and achievement. But, what's really frustrating is that C.O.W. hide looks new for generations and never seems to wear out.

By the effect of her own persona, a C.O.W. possesses an intrinsic immunity against bad hair and make-up days, career sabotage, and any kind of political or natural disaster. These women are found in every part of the world doing just about anything except housework or dieting.

Like most women I was born a T.U.M.--one of The Un-chosen Majority. A T.U. M. knows she can't just twitch her tail and make things happen. She has to work for it. Even with this harsh, bare-faced reality we T.U.M.S still sucker and pay money (usually $19.95) for any propaganda spurring the false hope of becoming a C.O.W.

My own track record includes ordering a course of six easy lessons. ($19.95 per lesson) guaranteeing upon completion that I would never again be delayed and frazzled by a bad hair or makeup day. All I had to do was learn to sleep standing up. What I received for my money and effort was a serious fall, resulting in a 2:00 AM visit to the emergency room. X-rays showed a minor concussion, and a few bruised ribs, three days sick leave from my job.

Fortunately, I was lucid enough not to try explaining to my doctor or boss that I fell because I'm a T.U.M. obsessed with becoming a C.O.W. During my three days off I confided everything to a close friend. To my surprise, she didn't laugh or think I was crazy. Instead, she suggested we form a support group T.U.M. ANONYMOUS. The only requirement was we attend the first meeting with the shoe box we all have hidden somewhere filled with potential C.O.W. cosmetics and herbs that didn't work. Yet, for some reason we were afraid to throw any of this stuff away.

Within a few day a bunch of us gathered for our first T.U. M, ANONYMOUS meeting and validated our insanity by sharing a surreal tale about infomercials, and their worthless $19.95 creams, and lotions; herbs guaranteeing to remove thirty pounds in as many days without dieting, and health spa memberships we were too tired to use because we had to work overtime to pay for them. All of us shared the feeling that if we somehow did penance by allowing someone to capitalize off our fears; we would be rewarded by becoming a perfect C.O.W.

If had been able to redeem the worthless, unconditional money back guarantees, we could have fed the homeless in our area for quite a long time. We realized the only way to stop this insane quest was by learning to love and accept ourselves just the way we are. Yet, we still wanted an answer to the question of why God only allowed a few women to be born a C.O.W.

One theory, just silly enough to believe is that part of God's punishment for Eve going off her diet was to drive us crazy with the off spring of Adam's other wife. --allegedly devout and obedient. We might have bought all of this except we realized that if these women pray with their heads covered it's only because they're a wearing designer hat or scarf.

Most men are wannabe C.O.W. punchers. Their modus operandi is to constantly prod us back onto the primrose C.O.W. Path with a tirade of male bovine excrement about how if we would just try a little harder to have a perfect face and body; we would cure their mid and post mid-life crisis. When a few of them tried to crash our meeting it was as if we were dealing with the kind of distraction we have when we're lost on the wrong freeway with a full bladder screaming to be relieved.

This time our relief help came quickly and easily. We simply voted, and unanimously agreed to let these wannabe's take their C.O.W. Prods and use them to buy their own drinks someplace else. The chaos settled down after one of the recovering T.U.M. passed out copies of something Joseph Campbell wrote. "Perfection does not exist; and, if it did it would not
be loveable, admirable possibly, but more likely a bore. Perfection lacks personality. What is lovable and exciting about any human being is precisely our imperfections."

Our silence was almost as deafening as the uproarious laughter which followed. A C.O.W. is nothing more than one of God's nascent pranks. Intended to hopefully knock some common sense into us; and, hopefully garnish with a little wisdom; all of the knowledge Eve gained when she became bored and went off her diet.

This was over a year ago and we still enjoy or T.U.M. Anonymous meetings. About the only thing which hasn't changed with the sensationalized youth and beauty products is that a few prices have jumped from $19.95 to $29.95. There is however, a big change from the T.U.M.'s side of the fence. We've to accept our GE or General Evolvement as a way of life. With this perspective, progress, not perfection is our most important process. This of course takes us into our success enhancement program.

PERSONAL SUCCESS ENHANCEMENT PROGRAM

You'll probably think that by using this new perspective we'll all move into the C.O.W. Circle. We'll be able to see a Heather Lochlear or Christy Brinkly and not need to sooth a twinge of maniacal jealously by saying "That C.O.W." If you really believe this, then I'll sell you a few shares in the Rachel L. Tandy home for Unwed Fathers. But, you'd better hurry. At $19.95 They're going fast. All kidding aside, our Personal Success Enhancement program isn't to give more false hope of expecting something which does not exist.-- meaning PERFECTION. It's about letting go of nonsense we don't need and gaining progress towards the things we do need. Let's begin getting still and calling forth the white light, the light of a thousand suns. When we feel centered and grounded, we open our meditation portal:

TO WONDER AT NOTHING WHEN IT HAPPENS;
TO BELIEVE NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE BEFORE
IT HAS COME TO PASS.__CICERO

Now that we're all on to God's didactic humor, let's keep in mind that It takes a few days to notice any change after we fill a container with fertile soil, and plant some flower seeds. Yet we feel a positive glow after these seeds grow roots and we see the first tiny green leaves of new life sprouting through the earth. It's not exciting because it's picture perfect, but because of the progress it makes each day.

It's the same way with our lives once we realize that our thoughts and dialog are seeds. Each thought we think, each word we say is an affirmation being released into the universe connecting with like minded people before it returns to be planted in our consciousness.

This supernatural science of positive progress seems a bit confusing at first. But part of our new perspective is to recognize that confusion is good. It just means we have the chance to allow our minds to pave the way for more progress. How do we do this?

With this light exercise we're going to use three colors. We start with the white light of a thousand suns and allow it to fill our container or consciousness. When we feel ready we invite the white light to change to electric blue which is the color vibrating to our throat chakra which deals with change. We realize that each thought we think, each word we say is the planting of a seed or affirmation. So, we bask in the electric blue light and feel it incinerate any and all negative affirmations implanted within our conscious and un-conscious being. When we feel cleared, we invite our light to change to green, the color vibrating to our heart chakra. We are now ready to plant new seeds of health, wealth, and love..

Remember striving to be perfect is what created most of our problems in the first place. Here at Beyond Clairvoyance experience has taught us that at this point, we stop trying to figure out just why any negativity happened, and ask for solutions. When we do this we're automatically planting just the right affirmation to connect with like minded people before it returns to us. Progress always follows the application of positive solutions. The universe has no choice but to rearrange itself to accommodate this progressive reality. It just can't happen to nicer people.

In the light of a thousand suns,
Rachel